dulwichmum

Darling Bellenden Belle, Please do not go the mustard tights route. I saw a pretty young lady with perfect pins wearing a fluid fabric purple puff ball skirt today at London Bridge with a vile pair of mustard coloured tights. Her legs looked like a couple of bananas (GASP). One colleague of mine said that her legs resembled those of a comedy chicken (OHMYGOD!!!). Get yourself a fabulous pedicure, try not to be too heavy handed with the St Tropez tan and remember sweetie - pride feels no pain. Personally (as a lady of a certain age), I could not get away with the black opaque tights and silver T bar shoes, but they sound perfect!

Darling Fear 'n boozin, Do be careful sweetie, God only knows what the culchies get up to down in Wexford. Would you not be better off staying at the K Club and driving down and back in the same day from Kildare? They have a heliport, you would not even have to drive if you could not bear the journey by road (sigh).

HonaloochieB! OHMYGOD!!! "An insult to trousering, your lower body and the rest of the world" I almost inhaled half a glass of Chablis!

Darling AnnaJ, Shall I put the kettle on?

Lovely Kalam, I have young children. I never get to go to bed!

Now I am in trouble! This is the article they published today, and it reads really well, just mentioning my blog until the second from last paragraph; "Taking a delicious satirical swipe at pushy mothers in SE21, the anonymous blogger (www.dulwichmum.blogspot.com)" Now I am in big trouble, because you see that is not what I said - these pushy mums are not exclusively SE21, they are everywhere, and I suppose to a small degree in every mum. My blog is a send up, and the focus of my blog is Dulwich because I love Dulwich, and I am fed up explaining to people where it is. "Yes near Brixton and close to Crystal Palace and Peckham and Streatham - yes lots of gun crime, but Dulwich is leafy and quiet..." This might seem like a trivial detail to those at the paper, but I have had my car number plate and my children's names posted on my blog by people who feel it is directed at them. People will read that line and feel personally insulted, and I don't blame them. I have so many lovely friends who are mothers in Dulwich, and in many ways I feel that this insults them. Let me just point out that I am sending up pushy mothers everywhere - internationally. They are not exclusively from Dulwich. Anyone for gin on their cornflakes?

Ted Max Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Well, here goes DM. I expressed a mild opinion > that although your blog/persona are amusing enough > as single-joke pastiches, I don't find them all > that funny. I don't quite understand the > blanket-love for the writing visible on this site > - and queried if this was my own lack of a sense > of humour, or lack of familiarity with the targets > of your satire. > > I then realised that that might appear a little > ungallant - given you are celebrating a national > news-site deal (for which, many congratulations), > and also that in general conversation expressing > opinions on humour can never go further than > personal preference, so I deleted. > > But I probably shouldn't have deleted because I > think I expressed myself better the first time > round, and I may just be compounding things here. > > > That's about the gist of it, I think. Lovely Ted, I accept your point of view completely. To be fair, I have been on this forum since soon after it began and I consider many of the forumites to be very close friends. They found my blog before I even realised that anyone could discover it and they got my sense of humour. I have been reliably informed that there are over 110 million blogs, so I felt that it was a fair assumption that I was typing away on my computer alone in my house and that no-one would ever read it. How wrong I was. I have been offered a book deal, the column and all manner of writing projects, and I am not a writer. I have never claimed to be. I have lived around here for 20 years, and I get so fed up when I hear people argue that there is no civilisation to be found south of the river. I see it as my personal crusade to turn Dulwich into the next Notting Hill - but that is a project for another day... Thank you all for your kind support. I really do not have any problem at all with the negative comments. I am flattered that some people find it so realistic that they believe the characters to be real! The article on the Telegraph web site took me forty minutes to write on the bus coming home from work. I was vegetating in front of the TV after work each evening when I read an article about blogging. I have two very young children and no energy for a social life. I have found a supportive network of great friends locally and internationally online. I have also found people who are prepared to bully and abuse me, and people who stand up for me and support me. My friends support me because they see how much pleasure writing gives me. I don't mind that people consider my writing style to be crude - I can console myself with the income from my weekly column in a national paper web site, my press trips abroad (twice this year so far), spa reviews, free designer clothes (I recently received a pair of pants that cost ?500 - but sadly they were not my size!) and cosmetics which I receive in exchange for a mention on my blog. Life is sweet! Seriously. Blows kisses and waves to Mark, Keef, Mockney, Sean (prrr), Ant, Michael (swoon), Mr Batdog (sigh) and Polly. Like me or loathe me, I don't mind at all, I am a happy girl, with a substantial second income from the hobby I adore!

Whatever did Ted say? Now I am really curious... Oh lovely Fear 'n boozin I may have to pop into Telegraph head offices later to slap some bottoms! Down with that kind of thing I say...

Thank you all so very much. I have the hang over from hell! I will not stop until the entire planet recognises Dulwich for the fabulous locality it is.

Darling DC, I know. I really don't know where I am going to stash all of this cash. I may have to head up to Gill Holland's shop in the village to buy a couple of new Allegra Hicks kaftans in order to free up some space in my purse! ;):))

Oh Michael, I am so very impressed! Look at what I have made;

Krug dahlin, it is afterall the onleeee liquid I bother with...

Tonight from midnight! OHMYGOD, I am getting one of my heads!

*Fills glass (although finds it difficult as wearing large yellow marigold gloves). Wafts about in new Allegra Hicks kaftan from Gill Holland dans le village. * "God I am now even richer than I was before." *Hands the entire bottle to Moos.*

Oh darling Michael, please help me to finish off the damp dusting? I am in the humour to party!!!

Well Moos darling, my day was simply marvellous. I am sitting here half the way through a bottle of Chablis, I have just today signed a contract to write a weekly column in The Telegraph on-line. This writing milarkey really is incredibly lucrative. What I want to know is, should I tell James?

Oh Mr Mattbambow what a darling man you are! Dr Boo has an entire range of treatments particularly tailored to the pregnant lady about Lordship Lane! From Foot Wraps to spa experiences, massages and "Healing" (what in the name of God and all of his saints and angels is that?) and their Big Boo pedicure is a joy to experience (sigh)... They use Mama Mio - the only products for deluxe pampering of supermamas! It really is the only place to go sweetie! 22 North Cross Road, Tel. 0208 6934823

I think we should call in the CSI team. They really are incredibly academic and frightfully well built! (schwoon - please bear in mind it is after 6pm so the corks are off!)

Was there no nanny? I blame the help. One simply can't get the staff!

Clearly!

I would just like to post a short note of compliment to Mr Gordon Ramsay who is as ugly as sin, but seems quite relaxed about it. He is no slave to Botox or the surgeons knife, and despite the fact that his face is as furrowed as a sponge cake that had the oven door slammed while it was rising, it does not seem to have held him back in any way at all. Bravo! Another note of support to Kylie Minogue for her (left) comedy eyebrow. She simply doesn't give a damn that she looks permanently surprised! In my opinion she serves as a warning to us all.

Simply frightful. These Irish folk, shame on the lot of them I say (hic).

Shame on you Mr Snorky. I really don't know what to say! Actually, I do. To the naughty step with you and if you don't apologise on this forum promptly you shall be off to bed with no tea!

This is all so very frightful indeed. I suggest that you all come to live in West Dulwich if that happens, we would never ever allow such an establishment to open over here, but, er, actually, we have a vile dayglow Tesco Metro!!! OHMYGOD, I can feel one of my heads coming on... Why oh why oh why oh why did we not get a Waitrose express?

Oh darling friends, we must always be sure to only visit Brixton in pairs, perhaps even threes, and the third person should wait in the car with the engine running. It really is not Dulwich you know...