dulwichmum

Dear Mark, My Blackberry is just fabulous, but I must admit that I find myself answering work emails at 2.30 in the morning because one of the children woke me up and I simply cannot resist checking it out. It is easy to log on to face book and the PMs from the forum and it keeps me very busy on the bus too. I love my Blackberry, but I must admit I am addicted.

Darling lovely Mr Batdog, I had a wonderful time at Ascot, we traveled there by helicopter on the last day (Saturday) and it collected us from the Grounds of Dulwich College. I felt like a Bond Girl. I wish you had been with me in my handbag!

Totters back into quiet room laden with purchases from Ed sale. Drags Keef behind enormous Japanese screen in the manner of Trinny and Susannah. Throws Keefs clothes over the top of screen while make-over progresses. Pushes Keef out from behind screen. Holds up sign "what do you think of Keefs new look? Was the spiral perm a step too far? I think it accentuates his chisled cheek bones..."

Why Michael, This sounds simply perfect!

Mr David_carnell, Did you see the minx with her tongue sticking out? Or the one who looked like Amanda Holden? Or the one lying face down on the silkey sheets??? In the name of God! I shall take it as a compliment on this occasion, but I would like to suggest that you stay away from these web sites during working hours or you could have your collar felt by security. I am a married lady from West Dulwich, and everyone knows we never try to look sexy. Why I don't even allow my husband to watch bad girls!

Jumps on Keef, sits on chest (I am as light as a feather naturally) tries to extract cigarettes from Keefs clenched hand saying "It is for your own good" - eventually gives in as not physically capable of removing cigarettes from the great muscular mountain of a man that Keef is ... Cries out loud like a baby (it works for my daughter), Keef gives in and hands over cigarettes. Runs around quiet room punching the air with delight. Decides to try the same tactic to get Keefs wallet off him. Jumps on Keefs chest...

Soft weather then?

Oh Sean, You and your Gaelic tongue!

Thats it James, load up the car, we are off to the Oirish festival!

Dear Spadetownboy! If I am ever in need of a new husband I shall seek you out, we are indeed soul mates.

Oh Spadetownboy, I bet you are a looker! My sister was escorted by this chap who later went on to be a priest - I think she still writes to him. She wore a cerise pink "ra-ra" dress and had a great big spiral perm. I was so proud of my big sister, I remember my mother weeping with pride!

Ha, ha - you see what I mean? It didn't even occur to me it would be anything else!

Indeed Sean, everyone was called that name on my street as a child.

Er, actually, they were just my adoptive parents, as my real "birth" type parents were Russian aristocrats - clearly...

I nominate Ms Polly Dorner, because she is really nice and she looks like a super model. We can say Polly is my sister, and then she can enter because my parents are Irish.

Dear Keef, DM will remain, DN stands for District Nurse! If anything I am District Mother = DM

Passes CitizenEd one of James' favourite cigars. Gestures to the entire room, "Cigar anyone?, I am smoking three at a time myself!"

Mr Fear, I would love to be embalmed like Lennon and incorporated into a Starbucks type memorial! I can see the concrete plynth now - a wisp of silk sticking out of it - perhaps from the skirt of my favourite lime green silk dress. On top - a bronze cast of a Starbucks disposable cup, some expensive spangley sandals and my super handbag. A small terrier type dog could pine at the foot of the plynth on a regular basis. Batdog would do that for me in exchange for a couple of cans of Winalot Prime - would he not? DM

Doesn't the 1991 Rose look like a nurse? I bet ?50 she is a nurse...

OHMYGOD!!! I must apologise, my sister was a Rose, but she didn't win. I lied. The only reason I am now coming clean is because 1985's rose does not have as much facial hair as my sister...

I apologise, I was completely wrong. Sean MacGabhann is a complete dish. I apologise unreservedly.

Dear Macroban, Are you sure? I am terribly rich and I once kissed Charles Kennedy.

Dear Bob, I should like to confirm your point, and hi-light that as a child, to be referred to as "ginger" (generally a Celtic - and even an Irish characteristic) was the verbal equivalent of a punch on the nose, or indeed a good kicking. In my opinion James Nesbit is a very Irish looking man, and his looks are so extremely offensive, that his facial features could indeed have been sat on by a very large lady when they were still warm and out of the oven. Indeed "The Corrs" are in fact from West Norwood originally, and not Irish at all. I think the men of Dulwich are a handsome body of men. I am partial to British men myself (the Scotts have thin noses and evil chins) and I am currently married to a Welsh man who has the most strapping thighs and high cheek bones, he must be 6ft 6 inches tall! He is also incredibly rich. The Irish are not blessed with good looks, just rich husbands...

Can I join you boys for Keefs stag do? It sounds like fun, although I shall be fully (if scantily) clothed...

Thank you Barry Road, however Dulwich dad is not in fact my husband - he does sound rather nice though. James is my husband (for the time being anyway) I wish he would come home and look after me. Give me some solpadeine and plump up my pillows.