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Keef

By Keef
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HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

Michael Palaeologus Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> I am single.

>

> I have a fine collection of comics, all in order

> and sorted by theme.

>

> My spare room contains a scale model of the Berlin

> S-Bahn system. It is fully operational and runs

> ABSOLUTELY on time.

>

> I iron my own clothes, all of them, especially my

> underwear, with starch.

>

> My kitchen knives are sharpened every Tuesday.

> They glitter.

>

> I have a cactus called Fluffy, he ran away and

> then came back.

>

> Shoes are polished on Wednesdays, never before,

> that would be excessive.

>

> I also had a lactating donkey called Mrs Dobbin.

> Dulwichmum killed her in the Quiet Room.

>

> I am currently building a half scale model of a

> Blue Whale from matchsticks. It is taking some

> time as I do not smoke. Once completed I hope to

> create a diarama combining the S-Bahn with the

> Blue Whale.

>

> I rather like the Tijuana Brass and am looking

> forward to playing their Christmas themed long

> playing record during the Festive Holiday. On my

> own.

>

> Strangely, I am still single.

>

> I feel it is time to find a life partner. This

> major departure has been stimulated by an

> unexpected need.

>

> I need to fill the header tank of my central

> heating system with more water. It is a two person

> job. It will need to be refilled regularly, hence

> the relationship would be a long term commitment.

>

> Interested?


Touching, needy and at the same time sinister. Fine work from MP.

  • 2 weeks later...
  • 2 weeks later...
Moos

Moos

Posted
Posted

Some fine work from RosieH. I'll be expecting a cheque for the cleaning of my T-shirt, which now has a fine mist of red wine spilt on it.


  Quote
really, you mean it wasn't real?


man, do I feel stoopid - taken for a ride or what - that pound was not merited, I was robbed!


eater81, any chance you work for a university researching "does headbanging give you a headache" or "men with tiny penises drive flash cars"?

  • 2 weeks later...
Keef

Keef

Posted
  • Author
Posted
  Quote
Innocent mistakes are easily made.


I went to one of the Chinese takeaways here in SE22 not long back. I didn't have my contact lenses in, so (in order to read the menu on the wall) I pulled the 'emergency short-sighted manouver' where you pull your eyes back at the corners into a squint so you can gain a bit of extra vision.


Oh how we laughed.



Can just imagine this in some old sketch show like Benny Hill or something.

MrsClive3300

MrsClive3300

Posted
Posted

From the topic of roadworks on LL......


Posted by: James 28 August, 2008 10:36

Can someone tell me what a 'decent' person is? As opposed to, say, an indecent person?


Posted by: Pierre 28 August, 2008 10:47

A "decent" person is "us".

An "indecent" person is "them".


Posted by: *Bob* 28 August, 2008 11:04

Here's 'an indecent person'...


pic


Anything to declare, Sir?



(Sorry dont know how to copy the picture in so its in the message...)

  • 2 weeks later...
annaj

annaj

Posted
Posted

giggirl (who I'm developing a bit of a girlie crush on today) on the subject of shopping...


  Quote
Shopping - I need a pair of jeans. Make an appointment with the jeans specialist shopper at Selfridges. Spend a week fretting about the size of my thighs. Cancel appointment. Spend a week fretting about how silly I'm being. Make a new appointment. Cancel it again. Spend a week considering liposuction. Wear my old jeans with a long cardigan and a high boots and congratulate myself on my pragmatism. Have a glass of Sauvignon blanc.

  • 2 weeks later...
Keef

Keef

Posted
  • Author
Posted
  Quote
Mr Wolf, I discussed you with my neighbour last night, a psychiatrist. He informs me that I was wrong to say that you should get out more, and I apologise.


Apparently you should seek medication and a referral from your GP, and stay home, it really is for the best...



Lovin' your work darling. Sorry, I mean sis ;-)

wee quinnie

wee quinnie

Posted
Posted

Brendan really made me laugh today with these:



They?re dangerous I tell you. Just the other day I was in a rush to get out the house and put my hoodie on backwards. Being inexplicably blinded I tripped down the stairs and accidentally mugged 2 pensioners.In fact removing certain items of clothing [sic] normally gets you thrown out of places in my experience.


I blame yuppies trying to organic everything with their global warming.

HonaloochieB

HonaloochieB

Posted
Posted

Re: Where else in the world but here?

Posted by: Moos February 04, 10:22AM



The First Day


On the first day a wonder came upon the people of East Dulwich, because the weather forecast was correct. And snow did fall from the sky, and covered the ground more thickly than any could remember. And it did cover the roads and the railways, it covered the houses and the gardens and it covered the parks and the open spaces. And there were no trains and no buses, for all the land was full of snow. And the people of East Dulwich rejoiced saying Yay! Let?s go and play in the snow, for we cannot get to work and our children cannot go to school. And the Wise Woman did rebuke the people saying Alas, we shall all lose billions for lo the economy is in great tribulation. And the people did lob snowballs at her for they did not care. And the people did play in the parks and in the gardens with their children and their dogs and there was much gladness in their hearts. And a woman like a fair red fruit did say Come! Rejoice and be merry for tomorrow you may work but today you must live. And the people did flock to the Bishop and there they recognised one another with the Signs of the Forum and did consume much of the wine that is red and did fall down in drunkenness. And the shopkeepers and the publicans of East Dulwich did rub together their hands and say I?m making a mint here. And the people did come together in joy and did address themselves to strangers even as brothers and they did build great monuments in the ice and the snow. The evening came and the stars arose into the cold sky, and the people slept.


The Second Day


The second day came, and lo a great change came over the people, for they remembered how much work they had to do and wished only to surrender their souls even unto the Man. But the children of East Dulwich cried out and wished only to play in the snow again. But the mothers and the fathers did say Nay, ye must to school and be lifted out of the darkness of your ignorance, what am I paying my taxes for. And the schools did say only Ye have reached The Great School of East Dulwich. We value your custom. Unfortunately there is no-one here to take your call. Please leave a message and we will ring you back. And the mothers and the fathers did grind their teeth and somehow work something out. And still there were no trains for the Chief Elder of the Transport did say only ?We did our best?. But the people did pile onto the buses and were transported even unto their offices and places of business and all did grumble loudly, saying Yesterday was understandable, but pull your bloody finger out. And the bus drivers did say Ye are the ungrateful sons and graceless daughters of swine, we drove the buses through the ice and did not fail. And the people did say grudgingly Yes, that?s true, nice one. And the Meeja did beat their breasts and they cried Alack! for the economy is sore ailing and we are all doomed. But the people heeded the Meeja not and they said Today we have returned to the service of the Man but ever we will remember the joy of yesterday and we regret it not.


The evening came, and the stars wheeled in the sky and the people were angered for still were there no trains and did say This is the outside of enough.


The Third Day


The third day came, and the people boarded their trains as usual and among them the sons of the Palaeologi. And at the station was a lone man of the Counsellors scraping away the ice with a spoon and the sons of the Palaeologi did shake their heads and say Wherefore could they not give him some decent equipment. But the people went to the Counsellors and did lift up their hands crying Why are there no gritters on the roads and pavements? For I have fallen on my arse and am sorely tried. And the learned sons and daughters of the hospitals did say It?s not funny, we?ve been treating people for falls all day. And the Counsellors did say, We?re getting to it, but the wrath of the people was not appeased and they did say Tch under their breaths.


The Fourth Day


And on the fourth day yet more snow was forecast...


Very funny post from Moos here, the 'We're getting to it, but the wrath of the people was not appeased and they did say Tch under their breaths' line is a good 'un amongst many other good 'uns.

VeryBerryCherry

VeryBerryCherry

Posted
Posted

Moos Wrote:

-------------------------------------------------------

> Yay! My first appearance in LOL Posts - I'm very

> proud and am now going to be thoroughly obnoxious

> and peacock around for at least a week.


Well at least 6 days... on the 7th day, even God rested!


It was an amazing post, Moos. I haven't laughed that loud for that long in ages - brilliant!

Moos

Moos

Posted
Posted

Am duly swanking extensively, smirking, pirouetting, swaggering* and generally looking down on all mortals.


*unfortunately doing all these simultaneously seems to have led to left foot getting tangled with right ear, and arriving upon ground unexpectedly with a large thump. Thus the gods punish hubris.

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