Saila

Hello I was wondering if i could pick wise-mum's brains on how to get decent care during my next labour/birth? I'm pregnant now (still early days) and really really worried already about the birth already During my next labour i REALLY want: 1. to be admitted into hospital when i'm in unbearable pain without being sent home. 2. to be given pain relief on request. I want an epidural this time please and gas and air. 3. to have a midwife or doctor with me for the majority of the time (or private help?) 4. to not have my partner sent home 5. to minimise the risk of episiotomy infection, should i have another one. Does anyone have tips they can give me (or pm me) such that i can try and get at least one of the points above? Also - any recommendations at all i.e. private midwife or doula a good idea? i can pay upto ?1k for help. i not fussed about 'natural' birth - my priorities are that the birth is safe and second to that, as painless as possible - so preferably doula/midwife with views that are sympathetic to these above needs.

Polly D Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Absolutely not wishing to antagonise but I find > the wording in the title of the thread > interesting: how much does your partner help you. > And sometimes for me this sums up the balance, > i.e. the implication that it's my job and my > partner should help, rather than a balanced 50:50 > partnership. > I agree with Yak: nothing better than a job swap > to really understand each other's days. I wish my > husband could work more flexibly but in his > male-dominated industry there is just no way. Plus > he gets paid more than me so it makes sense that I > am part-time. Really good point re 'help' thing - which is when the 'nagging' accusation comes in when actually we'd all rather not have to manage the family - but have the family manage themselves i.e. equally pointing out things that need fixing urgently. I really disagree on the 'earning less' thing though. I earn considerable more than my partner but it makes zero difference - it really does. I'm still the manager of everything from financial planning down to what we eat in the evening. As they say, the 70s revolution is still yet to infiltrate the family home.... which goes back to the issue of making sure we're not breeding boys to be like their fathers and continue this frustrating cycle. It's this unfair balance that's today's glass ceiling for women. They just burn out and give in in the end.

We weren't looking for the female victim. She was lying on the pavement at the time. If this post had been started to 'inform' the local residents of what happened, then perhaps you'd be right to point that out However the purpose of the post was to find those arseh0les as soon as possible and while they were still in the area So a description was given

For goodness sake! Atticus posted that 26 minutes after the attack. He couldn't go with the police to look for the 3 men cos he had a toddler at home to mind. So he put out a description on the local forum in hope that someone in the area may have seen them run down grove vale and tell the police of the sighting. Grrrrrrr Ps don't know how she is unfortunately

It's instilled at such a young age Such as giving the girls 'slave-toys' like mini hoovers and kitchens etc and not the boys Girls wanting to play with slave-toys more cos they're watching their mum and wanting to be like her So all stems on our examples however subtle

Snap snap snap i am main breadwinner too - not that that makes much difference to those who aren't but it takes that 'excuse' away tbh - i rarely see set ups that go against this 'norm' depressing i try not to mind and just get on with it - EXCEPT we have a BOY and i see it as my responsibility for the cycle to be stopped HERE and NOW- and boys generally learn their behaviour from their fathers. so for the sake of my son's future partner/wife/g-friend i will continue to try and reason and change my OH who, to be fair, WANTS to be equal but is still miles off.... after lots of nagging we're at this point: 'can you email me what needs doing at the moment?' 'yes, of course' *thinking* why dont you think of the list yourself - i'm not the house-manager

! haven't they only just filled the holes in a few weeks ago? wasnt' Boris meant to be doing something about roads being dug up over and over again?? well that worked! (6)

what's shockinng about this attack is that there were 3 of them. Most of the other attacks in the area have been lone men. This was brutal. She was a 40+ woman walking on her own. 3 men set upon her and she had absolutely no chance to defend herself. She was kicked and punched whilst lying on teh floor. Thankfully the local residents were quick on the scene and chased them off. Well done Atticus and John Beasley! edit to add John Beasley

well said reren i'm just exiting morning sickness stage of being pregnant it's been so much harder the second time around - i've been sooo much sicker and much more tired - waking up to go to the loo etc however, work is DEFINITELY a break. i can sit at my desk with my head in my hands while the sickness passes. i'm finding the sat/sund days with my son absolutely exhausting and frankly unbearable. hats off to anyone who looks after a toddler fulltime, especially when pregnant!

Fiat multipla - 3x seats in front and back. You can have a baby seat in front cos you can disable the air bag. You can also remove the seats at the back, and just have the front seat. We moved house using this 'van' approach. They're v cheap to run (ours is diesel) It's a great car and was voted 'ugliest vehicle' by jeremy clarkson! So it's got my vote :) I love it

I have noticed that a number of ppl have said how down they're feeling at the moment. I wonder if the rainy, drab weather is contributing to it all. Normally we'd be out having picnics on Saturdays this time of year.... but instead we're inside waiting for the weather to eventually turn. just read this shocking story about post natal depression - not related to OP sorry - heartbreaking though http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-18021450

oops - sorry i thought diamorphine was teh same as pethidine i dont think they do offer that then - at least i wasn't offered that and i'd have accepted anything

yes - this is readily given out on request as it's administered by midwives. From my knowledge of pethidine - the pain relief it gives is pretty useless and only works in half of women, gas and air is much better. epidural will give you proper pain relief if you need it but you'll be lucky if you get an epidural at Kings If you want one, i'd ask for it at the very beginning but that probably wont work either (didn't for me as you can tell i'm still pist off about it!)

ASDA own nappies are basically just like pampers but much cheaper Buy second hand (on here!) especially things like young baby stuff and maternity clothes Have friends round rather than meet 'out' Use the freezer for food when you buy one get one free - so you dont end up throwing stuff away Slightly over pay on your mortgage each month Pay bills by direct debit as they often offer discounts You can get quite good second hand toys from charity shops Dont buy loads of children's books - use the library

is there anyway you can fit some sort of motion car alarm? and put a sticker on the car saying so? i dont know why i'm giving advice about cars - i know nothing. But seemed to make the most sense. I've had two radios stolen but both times it's been my fault (left the window open a touch or doors unlocked -doh) if it's the same person coming back they'll believe you've invested in an alarm!

I work for a mid-sized financial firm. Women get 4 months full pay, 2 months half pay then nothing if you stay off beyond 6 months (most ppl go back by then). Men get two weeks full pay.

I really doubt sleep has anything to do with gender. I would guess more to do with how active the child has been, whether they've eaten the right foods and a consistent bed time routine - rather than girl v boy. p.s. another vote for blackout blinds - works wonders in our house

Lishyloo Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > Who cares Erm... All the women out there with a shameless crush on him? Ie me. So that makes 1 at least ;)

I absolutely do think there should be more support for new mums when it comes to bf - 100% i agree with that. Especially from midwives. I posted on this thread as i didn't like the tone it adopted today - and i wanted to step in and say something in defense of those mums who try really hard and are made to feel guilty by threads such as this and it's not just me here's a quote from a pm to me about this very thread (apologies to the woman who sent it, i hope you understand why i have qutoed you cos i think you speak for many) "Threads like these used to make me feel so defensive. I'm better about it now but so aware there are other mums with younger babies who still feel sad about bf not working and this thread might make it worse!"

why do people get so upset sophiecristophy? becuase comments written in the most recent posts are frankly very upseeting to new mums who are really struggling. Criticising an already incredibly vulnerable section of the population, just seems cruel to me. and then to suggest that the decision was somehow influenced by the marketing of f. companies... So, it makes a new mum think that she's considered shallow, lazy and weak minded. to all the new mums reading this keenly (as i would have been on maternity leave in those dark early days) PLEASE dont feel attacked and do what's best for you.

deary me... that blogs makes out this that bottle feeding is somehow linked to 'today's' society - as we scramble after more and more money and get won over by formula feeding ads, secretly brainwashing us into forumla feeding. I ,like probably many mums on this thread, hadn't even heard of forumla specific companies (apart from perhaps nestle?) when i turned to ff. How did i decide on what brand to give him? i gave the same brand that was given to him whilst he was in special care for 10 days. Not adverts. for hundreds of years mums have turned to bottles to help them feed for all the reason above. http://www.babybottle-museum.co.uk/articles.htm the pressure on mums is imo INSANE. I heard a terribly sad story yesterday about a mum friend of my sister who was diagnosed with thyroid cancer whilst pregnant. She really bravely went through surgery to remove the tumour. However she turned down the cytoxic therapy after birth which she was told she must have by her doctor to ensure the best outcome for herself, so that she could exclusively bf her child for 6 months.... now look who's been brainwashed???? This woman has imo, by all of these sorts of forums and the often militant attitude you find everywhere these days. so her decision was the risk not being there for her daughter so that she could bf for 6 months? it's got so beyond a joke this...

The article which was put up for disucssion in the original post refers to babies who are fed on demand (whether f. fed or bf) so I'm not sure it is on topic. Support for bf is definitely worthy of discussion, I just don't see the relevance to this particular thread. Edit to say: another misconception about gf is that she is somehow anti-bf, so your post just comes ax as slightly misleading wihtin this thread

Not sure this is 'on topic' as both demand feeding and schedule feeding involve bf? But as we're onto support for new mums re bf. I totally agree it's lacking. I was amazed to find out Midwives aren't trained in bf. So you have to request help from a bf counsellor (who are amazing when You can get hold of one!) Slightly off topic all this tho!

Sounds like that was the right thing for you and your baby Saffron - but i have to say that *thank god* i went down the schedule route. I dont think me and my OH would be together if the past two years were sleep-deprived years, causing me to be 'grumpy' and irritable. I'm a nightmare after a bad night's sleep. One ex-city friend of mine, gave up her job when she had a baby and went down the demand-feeding route. I was quite surprised as i assumed she'd be a schedule feeder, just cos of her personailty being ultra organised etc. When i asked her about this she said, tbh I want to do this cos frankly i'd be bored if i did the schedule thing - it's too easy...and i'm not working etc. That made sense to me. Seemed logical etc So everyone does different things for different reasons dont they? personally, i can't imagine having *two* kids without some sort of schedule and/or a good nights sleep. Sleep to me is VERY important. Obv not so much in first 6 months. But getting into a pickle with sleep associations could mean you have no sleep for many more months,even years. Something I would not cope with personally. It sounds like there's a sort of 'demand feeding mission' that everyone should follow and you're 'wrong' if you dont do it when I read these threads. Insinuating you're a 'bad-mum' if you're not exhausted and up all night with your little one. re GF - if i remember from her book, she says that the families she helped who had 'suspected colic' all suddenly recovered once they started a schedule. She theorises that in fact it wasn't colic all along, could have been down to constant grazing leading to indigestion? Cos why else did they *all* snap out of it? She was careful not to say there was a definite link. She just said that in her experience they all cleared up after the feeds were spaced out more. When she refers to 7/7 working well. she always says that she has found this to be a natural routine that most babies fall into easily. I'm not sure she uses words like: "7/7 sleep schedule which is the only schedule therein given as acceptable for good sleep" The language was just not like that - she laid out rational and practical ways of appraoching the first 6 months for those ppl, like me, who didn't have a clue but knew they'd be back in work soon and didn't want to have sleep associations down the line.

Sound much less scary than what I was told Any ideas as to why it's on the up in US and other Western countries, or is that misdiagnosis?