bigbadwolf

"What are you on about now?" Your hagard veil of masking your declining youth and reliance on a electronic organ/muscle stimulator i.e "The Slendercrone". "You really have lost the plot sweetie." Not by a long shot, sweetie. "Not everyone takes drugs when they are young BBW, perhaps give that one a little thought as you sober up in your Lewisham bedsit." This is indeed true DM. It's also also true that some adults enjoy the ocassional dalliance with controlled substances now and again (Alcohol?). Perhaps think about that while you clean up in that Southwark bed-bath you rely on.

The Grauniad eh *Bob*.

*Bob*. Regarding your contribution of how to throw a windows 7 launch party. I can't help but ask if the people responsible for that were taking the piss or being that they're Americans, were indeed making a serious example of how to throw a party for the imbeciles responsible for Windows Vista. Genuinely confusing.

I blame the grandparents.

Are you talking about *Bob* or his infant son B?

Quite.

I whole heartedly agree with you *Bob*. Moos should feel utterly ashamed of herself.

Sorry *Bob* is there any more to add or are you going to leave it at that?

Quite so Hooch. I along with many others hold you in pious reverence Moos and love you all the more for wanting to keep the nose of the forum clean. Although like the Hooch I like to stretch my tongue now and again so don't get too offended if I call you or brand others as a c_nt once in a while.

Quite how I feel about the errant negligence of adding emoticons or the abreviation to "laugh out loud". Disgusting!

"Or you can just petrol bomb every rank bedsit in Forest Hill and hope for the best." I must say Brendan, that is dash strong. Oh O.K, fair enough. Yes I'm not old or indeed responsible enough to be deemed as a reliable customer for a mortgage so along with all the rest of the vagabonds and lowlife am forced to rent. However... Although I can forgive you for asuming I reside in a bedsit I'm afraid you're wrong B. I live in a studio bedsit. Even if it's a tad on the disreputable side of the hill, it's salubrious enough for me. My dump consists of a rather large combined living room and kitchenette that are furnished with my sofa's I got for free on the Gumtree.com and my rather large T.V which I'm rather proud of getting from a clearance after a fire at a Curry's warehouse in Essex. My boudoir is a pleasant affiar that has a cosy salle de bains attached at the eastern side of the bedroom. I've even got a picture of The Afghan Girl so any other bohemian guest will feel at ease. I've also got stunning views of the capital that can't be matched by anyone from east Dulwich, no matter how high you pay. Suckers!

"A bit like BBW fantasising about creeping into my boudoir, tying me up, and making sweet love to me in my dressing gown." You wish. Although in all fairness to Ted I should've seen this coming with my vapid singling him out as Celtic Quisling.

Well you're certainly entitled to your opinion DM. I on the other hand don't find it polite for you to harp on about all the witchcraft you employ to keep a desperate grip on the youth I and you once did enjoy. I'm sure you got up to far worse when you were my age. You do remember that time in your life don't you dear?

Oh ha ha Ted, very funny. For some unexplainable and unfair reason I can't dedicate threads to your fictional demise so I'll do my damnest to describe the desirable senario. It was professor Plum in the dining room with the candlestick A literary screenwriter I met recently at a prestigious book launch advised me that the best way to destroy an online undesirable would be to sabotage his broadband. Once you located your target who should ideally dwell in Peckham at just a stones throw away from east dulwich road on a road that begins with the letter M. Approach their nest from the east or west so as not to arouse any attention. The lock on the ornate sash window shouldn't present any difficulty in manipulating since the owner is far too embroiled in the notoriety and critique of his online face. Don't be intimidated by the swaths of weighty tomes the target keeps in order for his online character to thrive. They're mainly for show By this time of night he'll be in full swing, chanting his humour to the masses and gently stroking himself in a place I'd daren't publish. Creep up on him with the empty bottle of Henricks Gin or Crawfords vintage port he invariably drinks himself quiet with. Tap him on the shoulder of his dressing gown whilst holding your index finger to your lips, you don't want him to signal his distress with a withering, womanish, celtic war cry. Indicate him to sit down on his comfiest of chairs and restrain him. Go to the east dulwich forum account page and change the password of his account. He'll eventually commit suicide due to his gagging on his account. Then... Get in a slab of charlie and fire of a couple of bursts from your Kalashnikov in celebration whilst preparing to meet your pals down the Capitol.

I had a conversation with a serving member of the Kent Fire Brigade this afternoon and he reliably informed me that if you wanted to off someone then the best way to do it without drawing suspicion to yourself is to go to their place and get them pissed. Wait until they've passed out through excessive alcohol consumption and then stage a chip-pan fire. The investigating authorities will naturally conclude that the victim got trashed and fancied a bite to eat but unfortunatly passed out before the snack became volatile and burnt them and their belongings to a crisp. Jobsagoodun.

Can you imagine the fun you could have if you attached one of these along with a small digital camera to a remote control helicopter. You'd essentially have one of those UAV drones what the coalition use to keep the Taliban on their toe's with. Sick!!

"Come now BBW, you didn't grow out of this kind of masturbatory delusion when you were 16?" Perish the thought.

???? psyche is simple. He's as emotionally deep as his pockets and as shallow as his hair line. Shot bested.

"Is that a no to the trip to the IMAX with DM then BBW? I have always thought you two get on so well." I can't quite envisage the woman behind the character of dulwichmum inviting me to catch a movie Mick Mac. We can, on scant occasion put our differences aside and treat each other with mutual tolerance and civility. It's just that when she insists on drawing attention to, or fantasises about the foolish possibility thay Ray Winstone could portray 007 that I have to draw attention to her questionable opinions. I treat all of you with the equal contempt I hope you reserve for me, and wouldn't dream of treating any of you any differently. Peace.

Any more of the T4 presenters you'd like to assault Daizie. May I point you in the direction of Miquita Oliver and Simon Amstell.

I couldn't give a f_ck what make or breed they are Mike. All I know is that they're aircraft and generally they're a luxury if they aren't crashing or firing a missile at you. The only way to halt their presence is to either shoot them from the sky which in ED and surrounding area's would be rather an unlikely event seeing as there aren't many black market surface to air ordnance to hand. The second option would be to badger you M.P into putting through legislation to create a no fly zone over your back garden which is even more unlikely to happen than to lock onto the heat of a helicopters exhaust trail and send it on it's way with a shoulder launched Stinger. They're going to be getting a lot bigger and sophisticated in years to come so just deal with it.

I'm being genuinely sincere when I say that I hope that isn't you Mikecg. I hope my suspicion is unfounded.

I've seen this unbelievably wierd subject of the discontent over the flightpaths/behaviour of various light aircraft over the locality and when I see this discussed I can't help but think: "What the f_ck?" It's a light aircraft for gods sake. It's not as if it's a U.F.O or a seagul wearing sunglasses. Whats all this toffee about how unnecessarily loud they can be, what do expect them to do, turn the engine of whilst they're overhead ED? If you still can't see the futility of your burden speak to these People: http://www.heathrowairport.com/ This outfit are the contractors who handle the control tower. http://www.raytheon.co.uk/ Just don't live up to my imagined stereotype of someone standing by the phone wrapped in a towel whilst dripping with water from head to toe, shouting into the reciever... "Yeah, I've just been forced from out the bath to complain about one of the boy aviators under you're supervision. He's flying about all over the shop and acting like a right c_nt so he is. It wont do!!"

I've just got back and made a sandwich with a cup of tea and having a potter about on the forum and have just stunbled across StevetT's thread in the drawing room: Should one child per famaily be made law? "As we are an over populated country should we adopt the same ideas on population control as China, one family one child?" I'm not about to go into the details and possible ulterior motives that have inspired this thread but I can't help salute SteveT's unaware sense of humour. That completely caught me off guard and cracked me up. You may well be attempting to generate discussion Steve but if that fails just rest assured that your efforts weren't lost. That was genuinely funny and I thank you for it.

I was going to go to the driving range in Thamesmead today to improve my swing but I've changed my mind. So instead I'm taking my air rifle (Weirauch HW99's rated at 12ft Ibs in .22 calibre accompanied by a Zeiss Conquest fixed x4, 32mm objectice telescopic scope. In case you were wondering) to Kent with my cousin's husband to blast a few Hares and Rabbits. So, a few spliffs whilst shooting at cute furry animals followed by lambchops. Splendid.