bigbadwolf

"Feck you Mick.........you reckon a professional could sort him out?" Hardly. I have a mysopic, rambling psyche. Unfathomable to the professional community. To venture through the corridors of my mentality would be even more baffling and uncomfortable than to be in the presence of two mick drunks on a park bench. The sinister, harrowing violin mood music in the background would cause you to turn white fear. This is the closest anyone has ever come to accurately comparing my nighmarish source of thoughts: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHHT7dTmw8U

I'm caning off a sack of lagers and watching a DVD of Insomnia with Al Pacino and Robin Williams. I'll probably fire up the laptop and pop Auf Weidershehen Pet on in a bit. Simple pleasures.

I saw Beowolf a good few months ago and was shocked to have really enjoyed it. At first I wasn't actually aware that it was a CGI feature but twigged it about 10 minutes in. I enjoyed it so much so that I found myself going behind the scenes in the special features. It was in these special features that I stumbled across a short interview focusing on Winstone and the director. In the course of discussion they both strongly hinted that the physique of the character was infact inspired by the "athletic torso" of Mr Winstone when he was a young man. This is the biggest load of toffee I've heard in a long while since we've all seen him in Scum and Minder and he was as portly as he was then, to as he is now. The daft old c_nt.

"BBW is a lost cause." In a bog of doubt.

Many.

"People who push in front of me because obviously their time is more important than mine. People with personalised number-plates. People who pay for items under ?5 by card." My kind of people.

I imagine that she has far better things to do with her time than to answer the offensive ramblings of a little shitbag such as myself Declan.

I've just this minute seen it. Really good.

Matthew Amroliwala from Crimewatch and BBC news. Just something about him being quite smug.

Although many a wiser man than myself would say that heaping marching powder up ones nostril is a rather childish, if dangerous pursuit, but if you're out with good company and one of your drinking buddies announces that he's in possession of two grams of charlie and inquiring as to whether you'd like a line or two then it'd be frightfully impolite to decline his offer. I was with a good friend of mine and we bumped into a group of black lads we both know well whose plans of going up west had been scuppered so we all got tanked up and then went back to my dump with a slab of cans and got another 3 grams in whilst laughing over the fight between the the bunch of daft old-timers in the boozer.

Medium is f_cking gash and if I was married to that woman and she kept waking me up to report the dream she just had or the ghost she just saw I'd smother her with the pillow.

German christmas markets are gangsta. The sausages are awesome as well. I don't believe in Santa Claus though. I'm also part Kraut on my mums side.

At least you can rest assured that if the 8 year old Algerian pickpocket is apprehended by the local Guardia Civil, then they'll be more than happy to placate your frustration and loss by handcuffing the little scrote and chucking them down several flights of steps, after tasering the soles of their feet. And they say chivalry is dead.

Does anyone else remember that bygone era when all phones did was ring and you'd talk into them. These day's they can all but tie your shoe laces. I have to say though, that I was rather impressed with the iphone app that enables the user to process debit/credit card payments.

I had an extortionate skin full and cocaine binge in the Capitol last night, and a group of older fella's had an excellent punch up just before last orders. Can't ask for any better than that.

If he's a real Jedi then surely all he had to do was wave his hand in her face and say "You shall allow me to wear this hood", then everything would be fine.

"Keef, has anyone, ever gone to the Heineken factory in Amsterdam not stoned?" Yes. Japanese tourists.

Whenever I see this advert I often wonder how much cash you really get for your jewellery. They say they have professional appraisers/con men who exchange it for it's current index rating. I reckon you'd probably get a better deal if you took it down to cash converters. I saw a clip on Youtube describing customer dissatisfaction in the U.S thanks to these gangs of internet pikey's robbing cash strapped halfwits of their sentimental bling. If I'm to have any faith in the authorities I hope that the Office of Fair Trading will pull a sting on these crooks and do a massive shit on their heads.

Following David Carnell's rousing lambast of lager on the Peroni thread I thought I'd reward him and other's with a platform of their own. I myself am starting to lean towards Ale of late and I've been enjoying Bombardier Golden Burn recently. Any other real ale tw_ts out there?

"Rule of thumb is only drink lager that is imported." I couldn't have put it better myself Matthew. We English have never been competent brewers of lager. Our product is always utter gash. Leave the euro's to it I say.

I thought that was you in the EDT last night Brendan. Was the dog buying? http://www.cartoonstock.com/newscartoons/cartoonists/awh/lowres/awhn144l.jpg

Do you quench your dogs thirst with sparkling middle class Evian after it's had a lug on your pipe Brendan, and has it got to the stage where it turn it's snout up at old fashioned tap water?

Can I just say how well presented I thought Ted's lament was. Bottled water is becoming far too fashionable these days. So much so, that now even infants are complaining to mum and dad that they don't get a dose of Pelegrino on the taxpayers ticket like the brats in the rest of the E.U do. Has anyone seen the recent ad featuring low clalorie water. What's next? Are Volvic going to re-package earth, wind and fire?

"Heineken is my favourite, thank God they got rid of that 3.5% cold filter shit they used to sell!" Well said Keef. Heineken 5% is my beer of choice.

"Ouch....what do you say to that BBW?" Who am I to pass judgement eh Declan.