LOL Posts

[annaj]

That made me giggle too Keef, I was really cross the first time I reaslised I couldn't say cunt when I wanted to...

[Muley]

Another classic, posted in response to the suggestion that everyone take time off to get drunk and watch cricket, and that Honaloochie would provide us with a covering note:

"Dear (INSERT YOUR/ employer's/probationer officer's/pimp's/ponce's/director's/publisher's/social worker's/higher echelon drug dealer's/Chief executive officer's/Brave executive officer's/Squaw executive officer's/Headmistress's/Othermistress who won't do that's/manager's/the other one who can't manage it's/record producer's/record producer who isn't attempting to shag you's/ record producer who's actually produced a record's/ community pyschiatric nurse's/foreman's/forewoman's/ NAME HERE

I scribe on behalf of (INSERT NAME HERE, PREFERABLY OWN).

I have been his/her (your choice) personal guru, numerologist, dowser, ethical medium and nutritionist for a good part of his/her (again your choice, but I'd advise consistency) current existence, as for his/her's previous one I am not at liberty to discuss.

The files I may (or as I am strongly advised to say) or may not have contributed to then, are the subject of a legal dispute with his/her late (for everything if you ask me) medium.

I have checked (NAME'S) aura and I have never seen it so yellow, and it was all yellow. I can treat this by bleeding myself dry, but unfortunately (YOUR NAME) does not have private medical insurance and bleeding myself dry is not available on the NHS. I could comment, but won't.

I carried out a reading of (YES YOUR BASTARD NAME AGAIN)'s numbers, and was greatly concerned to see them in a what I as a qualified numerologist can only describe as the worst sort of two and eight I've seen in years.

The above can only lead to one conclusion, his/her guts must be utterly putrid.

I would be failing in my duty as a responsible nutritionist if I did not recommend that my patient take several days off in order to rebalance his/her insides and soothe his/her chakrakhan.

Thank you, may I wish you long life and obedient children who are young dudes and carry the news.

HonaloochieBeatific"

Masterful.

[Ted Max]

A nice thread in the Family folder about nice places to eat out with children takes an unexpected turn:

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I've just been to Il Mirto and my son (6) liked his pasta very much

(Try putting a number 6 in brackets and see what happens)

[citizenED]

But Ted, it was also blooming funny before you told me that.

[Ted Max]

I'm considering a similar approach for the next family circular.

"Little Jonty (td) has been a perfect darling about having to go to big school, and has hardly kicked up any fuss at all. Meanwhile Letitia :X has been learning to express her opinions clearly. As the oldest, Samuel :'( is feeling rather responsible. Still, at least Mum is back to her old high spirits :)-D.

Love to all,

The Maxes"

[SeanMacGabhann]

can I quote posts in this thread as LOL posts?

Good work Mr Max

[woofmarkthedog]

Silverfox wrote.

Many years ago my uncle bought a reduced fresh turkey from Birmingham Bull Ring market on Christmas Eve. When he unwrapped it at home it only had one leg (true story). Does this count as a rot shop?

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I loved this part story, part question & spat my coffee out when I read it.

W**F

[Peckwich]

I shouldn't find this funny but couldn't help laughing when I read it. In the Does anyone know Sarah Russell thread on the main forum, the first reply (which there is now no trace of) was:

Yeah! Heard she is a right s**g!

So juvenile and unhelpful. Reminds me of my old work place when I'd ask a simple question and would get a silly answer in return.

[Mick Mac]

On the 185 (anti Nigel thread) - I thought this was funny Sophie. Cheers :)) Especially the last line.

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Blimey this thread is compeltely out of control. I still think every company has really good, ok, and really crap employees, including bus companies. We should all try and remember that not all bus brivers are meanies.

Beaver14uk when I read the beginning bit of your first post I was pleased that you'd come on here to stand up for yourself and other bus drivers but sadly your post took a turn for the worse. But... I don't blame you for being on the defensive because on earlier pages of the thread there had been a lot of comments about bus drivers having no brains. If I was a bus driver and read that I would be extremely pissed off. Please don't drive through East Dulwich and think we're all cocks and in return I won't get on a bus and assume you're a cock.

[bigbadwolf]

David Carnell on the fusion photographer/paedo thread.

"Is this what Neighbourhood Watch meetings are like?"

Subtlety it it's most sublime David, Bravo and it made me laugh.

[HonaloochieB]

From the Isn't AnnaJ Just The Bee's Tits thread. Or something along those lines. Which of course she is.

BBW in fine form. And I did actually laugh out loud.

The J household.

Anna: "Hi darling, I'm home."

BN5: "My love, how was today's crusade."

Anna: "Rise from the floor my dear, I don't deserve such praise."

BN5: "I can't help it my love, you relieve the suffering of so many as well as correct the spelling of lesser men."

Anna: "That may be my love but it's my calling and I'd be selfish to ignore it."

BN5: "Oh, a young chap who calls himself bigbadwolf dropped by."

Anna: "Oh yes, what did he want?"

BN5: "He said he had a dream where a dam collapsed but you saved everyone from certain death by using your devine powers of healing and wisdom to hold the structure from failing as well as saving everyone threatened by it."

Anna: "Oh that, it was no trouble at all, I was happy to help."

BN5: "Good God my love!! You're even awesome and polite in other peoples sleep!"

Anna: "Oh it's no trouble at all."

[bigbadwolf]

I'm glad you enjoyed it Hona. I also had a lot of fun putting it together.

[HonaloochieB]

Of course you did, you big tart you.

*grips BBW's ears and before he gets too worried bestows a gentle heterosexual kiss atop his head*

Seriously BBW, you're alright, there's hardly anything 'gay' 'bout me.

Apart from the T Rex and early David Bowie records, the fondness for AA Gill restaurant reviews and a small leaning towards Pucci, I'm straight as they die.

For the most part, anyway.

[Peckhamgatecrasher]

[quote name=CitizenEd

Missed the start of the season as I was on holiday' date=' but really looking forward to those big rivalries; Utd vs Pool, Spurs Arsenal, Atila vs Sandperson

]

[mockney piers]

It took me a second

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So is Trott a Tw@t too?

[sorry - that sounds like a demented owl]

[Tony.London Suburbs]

mockney piers Wrote:

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> It took me a second

> So is Trott a Tw@t too?

Agreed the comment about The Owl should be in the "lol" thread.

Its quite a hoot....(grabs coat and leaves Forum)....

[bigbadwolf]

Brendan's reply to PGC's reply.

Brendan: "What's crotch dancing?"

PGC: "It's from Northern Europe. Requires a Pole."

Brendan: "Like a bathroom suite from Ikea?"

You may be a feral, Dutch Veltlander Brendan but that was a very clever and humorous reply and it certainly made me laugh.

[Brendan]

That?s Afrikaans not Dutch and therefore veld not veldt or indeeed velt.

But then again one wouldn?t expect the British to break from tradition and actually learn their history correctly before forming their cultural prejudices.

[bigbadwolf]

Right, looks like Brendan's on fine form today. Here's another masterpiece from our laughter mechanic.

Brendan's reply to Mockney's suggestion that Anna Ford is a likely contender as hot totty in the Emily Maitlis thread.

Mockney: "They don't make them like they used to."

Brendan: "That's just Gok Wan without his makeup."

Very good B. Can I call you B?

[Brendan]

Word!

[Jah Lush]

From the USA thread.

You're on top form today Brendan.

"I can never imagine the Normans as French. I have it in my head that they must have all been called Norman and were therefore all gas fitters from the Midlands."

[Ladymuck]

From the what's-her-name legs' thread:

Posted by: Jah Lush Today, 01:27PM

SteveT Wrote:

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> Jayne Mansfield had a substantial chest

> measurement and was fluent in 7 languages.

And she couldn't say no in any of them.

BRILLIANT Jah!

[macroban]

"approrpiate schooling for middle income professional families"

"the improving demographics of the area."

[Brendan]

bigbadwolf Wrote:

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> I look down on a lot of things people do too

> Brendan. I'm not a snob though. I'm just English.

Golf clap..

[Muley]

Followed by another BBW classic, from the same thread-

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Good work!